Neuro-normatives, people who do not fall on the Aspergers spectrum, struggle every day with relationships, love, sex and all that mushy stuff. Clearly, they do not have a solid, reliable answer to all the questions and issues that there are in one-to-one encounters. And, you expect Aspergers to do any better?
In some ways, we can.
The inability to perceive non-verbal cues is not a weakness in relationships, unless you let it become one. As an Asperger, you will need to ask the other person if you want to know what they’re intent is. That will delight neuro-normatives, because they have struggled for years with sending mixed messages, the “wrong” signals.
I tell you three time “Ask.”
“I’m not very good at reading body language
, so you will need to tell me if you don’t like something. Could I hold your hand?”
Match.com notes, in a piece titled “Dating and Aspergers: What you need to know”
, that all those little white lies go out the window with Aspergers. “Yes, that pair of jeans does make your butt look fat.” “No, I don’t like your cologne at all.”
Hyperfocus can be an issue. The other person is unlikely to be anywhere as interested in the topic that your life revolves around. Speak in short paragraphs and then ask if they would like to hear more.
I tell you three time “Ask.”
If you determine that the other person is just plain stupid
, or batshit crazy, withdraw with grace and dignity. Odds are that they, on some level, know all that. You do them no favors by telling them and you have no need to provoke an unexpected response.
A couple more things. People who tell you that they will call, may or they may not but they never mean “right now.” Hanging by the phone is an exercise in anxiety and frustration. The same goes for people who’ll “come over some time.” They may or they may not but asking for a set date and time will almost never work.
Hyperfocus. You have the potential to be a great lover if you devote some of your Asperger skills to learning about sex, and then learning about what your lover likes.
I tell you three time “Ask.”
- What it’s like to have sex with someone with Asperger’s by Penelope Trunk
- Advice For Dating With Asperger’s: Don’t Call 100 Times A Week – NPR